Uncommon Path Network

Dear Path Finder,

I pray you find your purposeful path, walk audaciously in it, and inspire others to find theirs too.

I wasn’t planning to send another newsletter this week, I promise. But as the week progressed, I was struck by a realisation: when it comes to friendship, I am truly blessed. Honestly, I feel like I’ve won 100%.

Of course, before you “win,” there are bruises. And I’ve had my share of breakups, misunderstandings, and those quiet seasons where one person was carrying all the weight while the other wasn’t. But even with the losses, the gift of friendship has been so good to me that the joy far outweighs the ache.

Sometimes I think about writing a book one day (don’t steal my idea ) to give to my children, a guide on this godly gift that not only brings laughter but also sanctifies us. Because friendship really does both. It holds joy and hardship together in one hand.

When I look back, most of my friendship struggles came down to the same things: miscommunication, unspoken expectations, and sometimes just the imbalance of effort. Friendships are made up of people with different pasts, different experiences, and different capacities. And while our past shapes how we show up, it doesn’t have to rule the present. The beauty is in learning how to meet each other where we are, and choosing not to let old wounds write the script for today.

I’ve never understood one-sided friendships. Just like losing weight, growing in faith, or getting promoted, it requires consistent effort. Yet too often, we assume people will never tire of carrying us. The truth? They do.

If you mishandle God’s gift of friendship, He may not keep bringing you people of the same patience and grace. Not everyone has the same capacity. What one person can endure in friendship, another may not.

“Grace” gets misused a lot. I’ve seen people deflect accountability by pulling out the “You’re not giving me grace” card. True grace doesn’t need to be demanded, it flows naturally, especially when both people are making effort.

But here’s the hard truth: grace has no limit. God never told us to count how many times to forgive or endure. Yet, when someone shows no sign of growth, even the most gracious hearts eventually pull back. And that’s when friendships get scarred.

Friendship is complex. It’s trust, missteps, patience, exhaustion, renewal, and everything in between. I used to think friendships should get easier as we grow older, because surely we know better by now. A friend of mine disagreed. She believes they actually get harder, because life gets heavier and hearts more scarred. Maybe she’s right. But I hope not. Still, I want to grow old enjoying my friendships, not constantly nursing fresh wounds at 40.

I hope that as I grow older, I will enjoy my friendships even more deeply, not with more wounds to carry.

Right now, I’m enjoying them fully. They look different, very different, but they work for me. I no longer expect every friend to meet me in the same depth of vulnerability, and I’ve made peace with that. Some friends go deeper, others stay lighter, and both are gifts.

The old saying is true: the more you sow, the more you reap. And scripture affirms it: “You reap what you sow.”

Friendship, at its best, is beautiful. Everyone deserves to experience at least one true friend. But beauty doesn’t mean ease. Friendship demands love, and love is action, not just feeling. That action will sometimes inconvenience you, stretch you, and ask more of you than feel comfortable. But it’s worth it.

God gave us Jesus out of love. It wasn’t easy. In the same way, our small sacrifices in friendship, though costly at times, make this journey so much richer.

Friendship may leave us with a few bruises, but it also leaves us with beauty we could never find alone.

I don’t have a reflection question for you today. Just this:
Give friendship a chance. And if you do, aspire to do it well.

Shalom,
Oyena