Uncommon Path Network

Dear Path Finder,

I pray you find your purposeful path, walk audaciously in it, and inspire others to find theirs too.

Before I begin, I want to pause and say thank you. Truly. Thank you for your kind and comforting messages about my dad’s passing. I felt your love deeply.
And thank you for making Uncommon Path a place where you can show up fully, vulnerable, honest, human. Every story you share, every reflection or message you send, I keep it close to my heart. You have no idea how much your journeys move me.

Meeting some of you in person recently was the biggest surprise of my life, and a blessing too. You warm my heart in ways I can’t explain. One day, I still believe we’ll all sit around one table, break bread, the way Jesus did with His disciples.

Now, let’s talk.
What does appearance have to do with living a purposeful life?
On top of everything we already juggle, do I really have to care that much about how I look?

The answer, is simple: yes. yes. and yes.

My story with how I look started when I was a little girl. My mom taught me to dress properly, matching colours, clean clothes, no mixing stripes with checks (she hated that!). My dad, on the other hand, was strict. His rules were clear: no pants, no shorts, no leggings, modesty above all. He didn’t explain it, he just enforced it.

Looking back, I realise their intentions were rooted in protection and perception, they just didn’t explain purpose. My mom didn’t want people to gossip. My dad didn’t want anyone to sexualise his daughters. But none of that really taught me what dressing up does for me, how it impacts how I see myself, how I feel about myself, or even how I show up in the world.

When I left for boarding school, I honestly stopped caring about what I wore. Then, years later, I came across an American YouTuber who spoke about how putting effort into your appearance can change your confidence, not for validation, but for your own self-respect. That message stayed with me.

In 2022, I decided to be intentional about how I look, and I want to share what I’ve learned with you.

1. Be intentional about how you present yourself

You must care about how you look. It’s part of stewardship.
Sometimes we hide behind quotes like “I don’t care what people think”, but the truth is, we live among people, not apart from them. How you show up, in words, in actions, in how you dress, it all speaks before you do.

When you put effort into how you look, something shifts inside you. You hold your head higher. You start respecting yourself more deeply. You begin to realise, “I am the first thing I worked on today.”

That kind of confidence isn’t pride. It’s order. It’s stewardship.

2. Society has standards, acknowledge them

Before people see your kindness or competence, they see you.
That’s just how the world works, they decide before they know you.
And while we can’t control that, we can at least make sure that what they see represents who we really are.

Caring about your appearance doesn’t mean chasing trends or fitting into the world’s mould. It’s about being aware, and presenting yourself with excellence even in a world that’s lost its definition of it.

3. God’s Desire for You

God’s standard is simple: modesty, decency, and honour.

“Whatever you do, do it as unto the Lord.” — Colossians 3:23

When I talk about being intentional with how you look, I don’t mean you need to wear suits, buy new clothes, or wear makeup every day. 
Make sure your clothes are clean. Ironed. Appropriate for where you’re going. Dress with care, even when no one’s watching. Because ultimately, you’re showing up for God, not the crowd.

He wants us to carry ourselves in a way that doesn’t cause others to stumble, but also honours who He created us to be.

And if you wrestle with this, I understand.
We live in a world that teaches us to either worship appearance or completely neglect it. God’s way is neither.

A Closing Reflection

This isn’t about trying to become someone else. It’s about becoming more consistent with who you already are. 

I’ll be honest, writing this wasn’t easy. It’s vulnerable. But it’s also healing. Because every time I write to you, I learn more about myself too.

So here’s my prayer for you:
May you never forget that your appearance is not vanity, it’s stewardship. It’s the quiet reflection of someone who knows Whose they are.

With love and grace,

 Shalom,
 Oyena