Uncommon Path Network

Dear Path Finder,

I pray you find your purposeful path, walk audaciously in it, and inspire others to find theirs too.

Here we are – the seventh edition of Uncommon Path. And what better topic to tackle than love affairs? Seven… the number of perfection? Yes. It felt fitting to bring you into this part of my world – the one that’s been the most wrestled with, yet the most redemptive.

If I could, I’d write this whole letter in isiXhosa. There’s so much weight, nuance, and emotion in my home language that English sometimes dilutes. But I’ll spare you the struggle of translating with Google –  maybe one day, we’ll do an isiXhosa edition for the brave hearts among you.

So, why do I feel the need to bring you into this space?

Two reasons:
To share what I’ve learned on this journey, and to confront the lingering shame that sometimes whispers, “You’ve won in every other area of life… except love.”

This first letter on the subject will be light, a high-level view. We’ll go deeper into the stories and reflections as the Uncommon Path community continues to grow.

And I know, I know – “Oyena, you have too many words! Just get to the point already!” (laughs) You’re not wrong. I often imagine many of you stop reading after the first quarter of my newsletters and I don’t blame you.

But here’s something I told my delightfully chatty friend (you know who you are!) like me the other day after church. She was stressing about the length of her TikTok videos and how people who use this platform now have short attention spans. While that may be true for some, but the people who are drawn to your voice, your content, your story? They’ll stick around. They’ll watch the whole 30-minute video. They’re bought in. They’re not just scrolling, they’re listening.

Here’s the risk when we shape our message around what’s trending: we end up living to please people, to appease the algorithm, and completely miss God’s purpose and design for how we were meant to show up. The temptation to chase attention, clickbait, and viral success is real. But it’s also misaligned. And worst of all, You’ll dilute God’s voice in your delivery.

Stay true to your voice. Be faithful in showing up, consistently and excellently, but never at the cost of authenticity. Let God grow your impact. Just show up as you – unapologetically, obediently.

Now, what does all this have to do with my love life?

This is a gentle introduction to the most frequently asked question I receive:

“Oyena, why are you still single?”

“Surely someone wants to marry you?”

“Are your standards too high?”

“Are you focusing too much on your career?”

And so the list of speculations goes on.

Here’s my answer: I’m not single by accident, I’m single by making this choice soberly. Frequently. Do I desire companionship? I do. Probably desperately so. But not at the cost of marrying wrong.

I value marriage deeply – maybe a bit too much. The thought of marrying the wrong person honestly scares me more than the thought of never getting married at all. Growing up in a home with both parents, surrounded by love, has never left me feeling incomplete or in lack.

My parents have never asked, “When are you finding a husband?” or reminded me that I’m “running out of time.” I’ve never felt the pressure to be in a relationship just for the sake of appearances, or to prove that I too can “win at love,” or to affirm that I am worthy of being chosen.

Do I want the “happily ever after”? Not necessarily. But I do want a purposeful life shared with a husband who loves Jesus, who will journey with me in making Christ known, raising six children in the ways of the Lord, and doing it all with joy, laughter, and impact. (Whew, I know, that’s a whole vision board.)

I’ve prayed for this. I long for it. But more than anything, I want it in God’s timing, not mine.

But in the past few months, I’ve thanked God repeatedly that I’m not yet married. Or at least, that I didn’t get married last year… or the years before that.

Only now am I beginning to understand the depth of my purpose, and knowing this before saying “Yes” has been one of the most precious gifts God has given me. Because now, when I do say “Yes” to someone’s son, it will be with full clarity on who I am, and the kind of man I choose to walk with.

Here’s the heart of this edition:

Don’t let society, fear, or your past dictate how you live out your purpose. Don’t shrink it to fit into someone else’s expectations. Don’t water it down to match what the world says is “normal.”

You don’t have to force what’s already yours. Scripture reminds us: “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance.” (Psalm 16:6)

Your portion is already secured.

There is space for you, in love, in purpose, in calling. You’re not late. You’re not behind. You are right on time in God’s eyes. The market is not oversaturated when it comes to what God has called you to. There is room for you,  perfectly preserved.

Next time, I’ll bring you into some of my most hilarious (and sometimes tragic) love stories. It’s going to be a challenge keeping the tone of Uncommon Path both deep and funny, but I’ll try.

In the meantime, tell me:
Are you…

• ‘Single & patiently waiting’?
• ‘Single & impatiently knocking on Heaven’s door’?
• ‘Loved well’?
• ‘What did I get myself into and how do I get out?’
• ‘Single, content & not waiting for nobody’?

Whichever one you are, I see you. And I’m praying for you.

Shalom,
Oyena